Worthless

This horrifying moment when I realized that I’m a terrible person. How can I behave like a total prick with probably the only person who really loves me, unconditionally, just because I exist?! I can’t understand it. What the fuck wrong with me?! Feel like shit. And I should feel like that, because I behave like shit. I feel frustrated because of myself. Maybe I deserve only the worst. That’s probably the reason why my life is just a worthless hole in gray reality. I have no idea how not to be such a moron. Fuck, I really don’t understand what’s going on with me…

Complains, Complains…

Finally a day with something to do. Got tired of holidays and doing nothing.
I went to work, did a little work. Not too much though, there are still two more days till long weekend. And number of tasks is limited…
After the work I went to see an apartment in the big city. The second that I see. This one was even shitier than the first one. Probably 40 years+, not in the best shape. But close to the university. Not that I plan to study, in next couple years, so it doesn’t really matter. Although female students around is an advantage. 🙂
In the last days I think a lot, as usual. Sometimes it feels that I exist only in my own imagination. And I became a little bit bitter, a little bit angry toward this stupid world, and disappointed from everything. I just need a tiny spark to become different me, to see the world in different colors. And I want this spark too much lately. I should probably think about other crazy stuff, not to became too narrow specialist in one type of craziness, who would want that?! It’s just crazy!
Hope that tomorrow the cat will bring something more exciting…