Attention

When I’ve become so attention freak?
Why suddenly I need it so much?
I feel that I’m not getting enough, and it freaks me out even more.
Be alone not that fun anymore, and I try to be closer to people.
But I always have this thought deep inside me, that it’s just not it, something is missing there.
I need to feed subliminal, stereotyping and probably wrong, sides of me that need something else.
But what??!
I don’t know what…
Most of the creatures die without food, but this hungry monster just becoming bigger and bigger.
It feels like in the song by Lana Del Rey.
It mesmerize you as a little bunny that see a high lights of fast car on highway, that coming toward it, and can’t move, paralyzed and doomed.

Zombie at Zoo

I feel numb. Like a stone that no one bother to pick. “Whatever” kind of mood, don’t really care about anything. No reason to write. One regular day replacing other. And I become fucking zombie. Zombie that went to the zoo, to see animals. Trying to be as random as possible, to hide myself under piles of bullshit. Find some kind of source of emotional energy. Feel like a furniture, do I sit on the couch, or the couch siting on me? Don’t really give a fuck about anything. On any other day I would think that it is disgustingly sad, stupid and not worth a second of my time. But today I just don’t care. I’m apathetic like a timber. Not being negative, not being depressed or any other emotional shit. And it’s even not a shitty day, just a day, another stupid day. I try to squeeze my brain like a lemon, but not even one drop of sour juice. Emptiness. After 13 hours at work, 3 hours of sleep before that, and I’m not even tired. Fucking NOTHING!
Lana Del Rey singing about summertime sadness. I know that something is wrong with me, and I don’t know what or why.