Emotional mess

Something very insignificant can make such big influence on a mood? One hour a day of loneliness, is it all you need to change emotional balance, sense of confidence, perspective?

I’ve been in stable state for a few months. But something small changed.

I had very bad mood yesterday, I watched the movie “Her”. And it kinda perfectly synchronized with what I felt.

A few things bothers me. I’m going back to University, hopefully in October. Study master’s degree. Currently I’ve signed up for 2 places, both of them should accept me. If not, I really gonna be lost, because it was my plan for last 3 years. If they’ll reject me, I have no backup plan, and it could be devastating. But I almost absolutely confident that I’ll be accepted in both places. And then, I should be at least two years at University. I’m kinda hope that I’ll continue to doctorate degree. I like my work, but I feel that it’s not challenging enough. And that’s what I’d like to achieve by continue my studies. I also hope that in that period I will meet someone special. It’s a big wish that I have, that seems to me like an impossible mission. But I still hope.

So there are small changes at work, as usual pretty much. And I’m a little bit scared.

I tried to remember some name from more than year and half ago. Because of some occasion that I’ve been invited to. Time goes too fast now. Months passing by like moments. It’s crazy how fast life become when you get used to it. And I couldn’t remember that name. Until I came here to check it, it was written here by me. And some silly graph that I made, made me think how it was beautiful, that it was at all, if that could continue, but it couldn’t, and it didn’t. Really silly. And I think how to decline the invitation to the occasion. Because I don’t feel that those people are my friends anymore, and I don’t really want to be friends with them. And I’m already know about something very important at work, roughly at the same period of time, but I can’t be sure. And it kinda silly to try to escape it too hard, because those reunions happens once or twice a year anyway, and sometimes we were kinda friends. I don’t know, I’ll think about it a little more.

I forgot to mention all the situation in Ukraine, that gets to me lately. Huge amounts of injustice, that I can’t do anything about. And it very frustrating to see how unfair this world is. I never really knew that country. I don’t remember the first nine years of my life that I spend there. And until recently I had no interest to know anything about it. But after last revolution there, I kinda started to admire its people, who dared to fight for better future and justice, against powerful government, and gain the upper hand eventually. But now, they are facing Russian occupation, and nobody helps them, and they can’t solve it alone.

There are also cats… And I’m listening to Kimbra all the time… Yeah bunch of random things. Tomorrow is a workday… So goodnight.